Tag Archives: Business card

Another day another back rub

My last client was a little strange.  She’s an older woman, and one of those people who like a painfully deep massage.  She gave me a hug when it was over and didn’t want to let go.  She kept rubbing my back.  Not patting, but rubbing.  My brow furrowed and my eyes wondered around the room asking the question, “is this weird?”

She asked me a few questions and stared at me.

Her – “Who takes care of you?”

Me – “Um….”

I was about to say my parents take care of me, but that didn’t seem like the right response.  I spot my back buddy (a device used to massage my own back) and snatched it up.

Me – “My back buddy.  It works really well.  I don’t have enough time to get massages these days.”

She stared at me smiling.

I started using my back buddy.

Me – “….”

More staring.

Me – “It really works.”

Me – “I’m eating sushi for lunch.  I try to take care of myself.”

She rummaged around in her purse.

Me thinking “Oh good please pull out tip money and not a business card.”

She handed me a business card.

Her – “You should come see me.  I’m right down the street in Middletown.  I’ll give you a reflexology session on the house.”

My ears perk up whenever I hear the words “on the house.”

Me – “Oh thank you so much.  I’ll definitely come see you.  Thanks.”

She hugged me again.

Her – “That was wonderful what you did.”

She was referring to the massage.

When I give a massage, I like to make contact with the persons hands to form a connection.  And it feels really nice and comforting while I’m massaging their inner forearm.  It’s the only part of the massage where an intimate professional bond can be formed.  25% of men (possibly more), like to grasp my hand and hold it.  Sometimes caressing it, which sketches me out, but it’s usually innocent.  With women it’s more like 5% (if that).  She was a hand holder.

I never had reflexology before, and she didn’t leave me a tip so I feel like I should go do it.  Is this a bad idea?  I don’t know.  It was weird, you’re just going to have to trust me on that.

After the massage, I went into the break room for a little sushi lunch.  I ate a couple pieces and looked at the time.  12:30.  I’ll be here until 8:30 tonight.  I left the remainder of my sushi to save it for later.  I have to make it stretch.  My next client doesn’t get here until 2:30, so here I am blogging.  It’s 1:02 now.

I guess I should read a little.

After ordering business cards from Vista Print, they show you a bunch of little add-on’s you can choose from for cheap.  One of these add-on’s were stickers.  So I bought a bunch of stickers for my clients to stick on after getting a massage.

I found it ingenious.  I only offer them to tippers.

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Filed under humor, journal, Massage therapy, Strange & Unusual

My new business card

I’ve had many business cards over the course of my life.  When I was a little girl I thought that as long as my job required a business card, then I was an important person making lots of money. 

This is my new business card as of last night. 

I was originally going to write “Hi I’m Melanie and I write shit online,” but I wanted to make it kid friendly. 

I ordered 500 of them for $5.00.  Vista Print sent me a coupon.  I even got a free metal card case and $50 worth of free google adwords. 

This happened all last night at four in the morning.  I could not sleep.  I wanted to pick out the absolute worst business card design I could find.  I’m sure not many people order the pig with wheels.  I can’t think of any business that would want it.

I’m expected to get them in 14 days.  I will hand them out to anyone who wants them.  I’ll even hand them out to people who don’t want them.  I will go as far as hiring some short mexicans to stand on a busy street corner finger snapping my cards at passerby’s to get their attention.  You can find these little guys in Vegas handing out call girl cards.  While I was there on vacation, I started feeling guilty for ignoring these very hard little workers and so I kindly collected every call girl card and pamphlet that was handed to me.  And I did it with a big smile and ‘thank you!’

Instead of noticing the naked girl spread eagle on the card, I noticed the quality of the business card.  Heavy paper, glossy finish, professional photograph with good lighting.  Most of those cards that end up on the ground are of the highest quality.  Those business cards cost more than the girl they advertise, so it baffled me that so many of them end up littering the sidewalk.

Huh, I forgot what my point was.

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Filed under journal