Tag Archives: beer

Patience Padawan

In my last post I wrote about being happier and more aware with each passing day, but my goal in life is not to obtain happiness, but to experience everything.  I want to go out there in the world and get dirty, play, love, hurt, feel – to be anything other than numb.  The more hurt I feel, the stronger I become and I’m able to handle anything life throws at me.  As long as I can let go and roll with it.  People are who they are, they do what they do – it’s who they are and I must accept it.  I have no choice really.  No one does.

I’m great at rolling with the tides.  That’s what makes me a great traveler – Bring It is what I say.  This life is trivial, laugh when you can.

What I was thinking today during a massage:

99.99% of the universe is made up of anti-matter.  99.99% of our bodies are made up of space.  99.99% of an atom is space.  We are more not here, than here.  And the matter we can see in the universe, is only a square inch of a peal of paint on the very top of the empire state building.  Does the entirety of the empire state building merely exist to support that one flake of paint?

Everything in nature has a purpose.  Each cell is awake having a conscious and a purpose.  Nothing in our bodies is for naught – doesn’t that apply to the universe as well?

Our brains are made up of atoms, those tiny objects that are comprised mostly of space.  They facilitate our thinking, waking, mind.  If 99.99% of our brain is space, than how dumb are we?

I massaged my client  (a mild-mannered, always smiling asian man) with my black aya eyes forming over my pupils like cataracts.


The shit I think about is trippy.

Where is my client?  I’m sitting here waiting.  It’s nice blogging an all, but I want these Groupon people done and over with.  She would be number 97 out of 400.  I’m massaging a total of 8 hours today, but only 3 count as new Groupon people, the rest I had before.  Okay, I’m going to call her.  Damn it I hate calling people.

Bah she’s not coming in.  She rescheduled online, but it didn’t go through so now I have no idea when her next appointment is.  I wish I kept her on the phone dammit.

I went to Birkram Yoga with Amy the other day.  Let me just tell you, Hole – Lee – Shit.  I walked into the room, 104 degree’s, humidity 75% and I wanted to turn around a walk back out.  It felt claustrophobic, I couldn’t breath.  It was my first reaction to the heat – my flight or fight response.  But I stayed.  I stayed for the whole 90 minutes and did every single pose that the instructor allowed me to do.  And guess what?  I liked it!  I actually friggin’ liked it.  How weird am I?  Very weird indeed.

The thing I liked most about it wasn’t the poses, the strength building or stretches.  It was having no choice but to remain calm.  My actions had to be deliberate and thought out.  My mind had to be clear, there was no other choice.  Doing otherwise would’ve caused the heat to rattle my senses and have me run out screaming.

It taught me patience, calmness and humility.  Having acceptance of what my body is capable of doing, and the understanding that I can improve upon it.  It takes meditation to a whole new level.  I was back in the inipi sweat lodge, surrendering and trusting the heat.  The experience I had with the inipi helped immensely.  I was smiling when doing it – actually smiling while holding poses – I was just so content and relaxed – it was a happy, safe place to be.

We sweat our asses off and my hair was drenched when it was over.  We went back to Billy O’s for lunch.  It was perfect.  I had one beer.  I’m allowed one beer.

Speaking of beer, Dave wants me to go to a birthday party on Saturday.  This is the moment of truth.  Do I go or not?  I love Dave damn it.  That night after Billy O’s, when he was shit faced riding his motorcycle – I was so worried about him getting home.  I haven’t heard from him for the next three days after that and started freaking out that maybe something happened.  As soon as I heard he was okay, I calmed down.  I can usually go weeks without hearing from the guy, and I’ll be fine.  What I don’t know, can’t worry me.  But when I know he’s on that damn bike drinking, I worry.

I care about him a lot.  So, I don’t know.  I can’t ditch the guy.  Even if he did read my blog, he would probably still be my friend.  That’s just who he is.  He bends over and takes it up the ass from others just like I do.

I don’t care what he does, he’s my friend and I’ll always have his back.

I was talking to my last client about dealing with bad influences in your life.  She said it’s important to set boundaries with them.  When it comes to family and friends – the difficult ones that you’re faced with seeing – you just have to set boundaries.

I have so much fun with Dave that my boundaries get smeared and rubbed off with beer.  It’s something I’m going to have to work on.  Self discipline is never fun.

I sent my no-show client an email.  I hope she gets it before her “scheduled” appointment.  I hate technical details like that.  I don’t want to worry about it.  I am so on top of my clients shit that it’s not even funny.  I double check, no triple check everything.  I triple checked her email before sending it out.

I’m good at this organization crap.  I have all the right tools.  First the tools, than the product.



Filed under journal

Melanie’s Old English beer poem! Well, not really old english, but I tried

Pale Ale

I still haven’t made up with my girlfriends whom forsaken me, so I made up this beer poem. Now I must take my leave and get hammered. Cheerio.

A lithe woebegone girl drifted into a pub

She slumped down on a stool

Her cold hands did she rub

The barman bit his brazen cue

Asked the downtrodden lady

“What can I git you?”

“I’ll have my usual, Andy, old friend.

Something to dampen my heart, something for it to mend.”

Andy smiled beneath beard of scruff,

“Coming up, Mel. We’ve got the right stuff.”

Andy returns holding an ale of good blessing

Her eyes henceforth, a look of acquiescing

She raised the pint to her lips she must press

Tilted her head back, her mouth did confess

The bubbly of golden hue dons a mane of frothy tresses

One sip dost she take to numb her sodden senses

She doth not weep nor wail but sigh,

Places a hand on her one buxom thigh

“I downed this here beer and now’s left is naught. Why don’t ye be a good lad and get me another draught.”

“Beer here’s not dearth, I hath many more to quench thine thirst.”

He slides a new brew over,

Not too soon she will no

longer be sober

Who looks out those wary eyes

Whence her soul, “Whence comest thou lies?”

She peered inside her glass so barren

Empty as the tides of Charon

“Andy, my boy, my glass hath nary.

Now be a good lad and fill her up – beer me.”

drinking a pitcher of beerBarfly

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Filed under journal, Odes

What I did yesterday

English: Sunrise, Manaslu, Nepal, Himalaya

Image via Wikipedia

I went out and drank like a fool yesterday after doing an incredible job hiking. I hiked the blue trail twice without stopping – making proud comments about my stamina and determination. I mean, I really did improve exponentially in this past week alone. I couldn’t help feeling self-satisfied and pleased with myself. I felt ready to take on that daunting 20 day trek.

But I’m sure I’m jumping the gun on this.

The hike I went on yesterday only lasted for two hours and I wasn’t carrying a 20 pound pack or hiking in zero degree weather on top of a 1700 ft mountain. So, ready for the Himalaya’s? No, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.

So what’s a girl to do? Go out and drink! I met the guys at Happy Tuesday. I brought one of my girlfriends – it was the first time bringing one of my friends out to meet the motley bunch.

I subjected her to the bottomless pint of beer that get’s filled automatically by magical faeries, or sometimes this guy;

I subjected her to Mark, who likes to put straw’s thru his tongue. He tried to pierce it through his septum, but it wasn’t happening.

I was running on empty. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and was feeling a bit logy and drained. But that didn’t stop the guys from filling my glass when it got down to a quarter pint.

I stayed and drank for three hours, than went to Billy O’s for round two.

I was starved, but didn’t want to eat bar food. And at that point it was too late for me. My stomach was expanding and brimming with beer.

I drank some more, played darts and pool. Told everyone how much I love them. You know, a typical night in the life of all star Melanie.

I said something to a guy with huge muscles. I was being friendly and I sometimes talk to stranger’s as though I already know them. I talked to this guy like he was a good friend of mine, but he took it the wrong way. He started flirting with me, but it wasn’t “real” flirting. It was the kind of banter that a little boy has so he can gain the attention of a little girl. He started making fun of me and trying to put me down. And he was my age!

Him – “I have a point system when it comes to girls and right now you’re very close to scoring the winning point and getting my number.”

Me – “I have kids.”

Him – “That doesn’t matter. Do you really have kids? If you’re lying about having kids, I will drop points from you.”

Me – “I’m lying about having kids.”

Him – “You just got points deducted.”

Me – “You shouldn’t keep score. Besides, I’m a lesbian.”

But nothing I said mattered and he kept making fun of me and talking about his point system. He was irritating me and I was already in a bad mood when I got there. I get cranky with no food and have little patience for narcissistic people. I am myself a narcissist, so it annoys me especially when I see it in others. What you hate about yourself, you hate in others. My narcissism is the only thing I don’t like about me. All my other attributes are glorious!

Anyway, I got blitzed and managed to have a lot of fun.

I ate when I got home at 2 in the morn and fell asleep watching Naruto.

Today is a snow day. My favorite type of day because I get to lay around guilt-free. This is the perfect day for my colon cleanse. I’ve been waiting for this day for quite some time.

Not that you care to hear about any of this, not about my life nor my intestinal high jinks, but I’m going to take you on my colon cleansing journey regardless. It will be filled with gurgles and flushes. Are you ready? Okay hold on let me go grab the stuff!

This is the stuff doctors give you for a colonoscopy. It works like a charm. I never did it before, but heard great things.

Down the hatch! It didn’t taste bad. Everyone says it tastes horrible, but it’s actually not bad. It’s tart and sour, but not undrinkable.

It’s 3:58 pm. Let’s see how long it takes to kick in. I’m excited!

I’m doing this to get rid of any excess baggage for my trek. I don’t want anything bogging me down – yes, I am that prepared.

While we are waiting for the magnesium citrate to take effect, let’s go over everything I’m bringing to Nepal. Ugh, but I’m so lazy I don’t feel like getting out of bed. And I’m hungry. I hope this stuff won’t mess up my stomach because it’s empty.

4:09, still nothing.

What if I have an intestinal blockage? The label says that if nothing happens I might have a serious underlining illness.

Um, okay, it’s 4:33 and still nothing is happening. Apparently I have a major underlining illness. Oh no wait, it says that it can take up to six hours to take effect, so I guess I’m still safe. However, my client tomorrow morning, is not.

I’ll make my packing list into a separate post.

Happy pooping!

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Sentimental Melanie

"TUESDAY" production sign

Image by Vaguely Artistic via Flickr

I’m at Starbucks sipping on a free venti gingerbread latte.  Why is it free?  It’s my compensation for having two bags of coffee fall on my melon.

Yesterday was Tuesday and I made my regular barfly roundabouts.  My first stop was Happy Tuesday, where I was cheered at and sang to by the regular motley crew.  After visiting those guys, I drove to Billy O’s where I was greeted warmly by the entire bar.  People hugged me in earnest while my brother shoved his award winning chili in my hand that he brought for everyone to try.

I can NOT tell you enough how much I love being around people who love me.  I’m addicted to this feeling of warmth, this cradling, comforting security.  Everyone feels like a warm snug blanket.  Everyone feels like home.

I can be a sentimental sap – truly the most genuine sentimental sap there can be.  But it’s problematic.  I’m so addicted to this ethereal love all around that I’m obliquely sensitive to its absence.  Sometime’s I forget it’s there and go back to being my old miserable, misanthropic self and because of this, I shall always be a barfly.  Barfly is in my bones.

The purpose of this post is to wrap up this warm loving feeling into a gift for my future self.  I want to package it up, put a ribbon around it and never forget.  But I will forget it.  I always do.


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Filed under All about me, journal, Self help

Rhode island fun

I taken Holly and Emily with me to Rhode island on Sunday and we stayed until Tuesday (today).  I don’t feel good.  I drank 19 beers Sunday night and on Monday I drank another 19 bringing my total to 38 beers in two days. 

This is me Monday morning after drinking the 19 beers

This is me wrestling an alligator

Wrestling a fox

Thumbs up!


Filed under humor, journal, video's