Category Archives: video’s


I was at my poorest about 10 days ago.  My car broke down, bills were due, rent was due and I had zero dollars.

So what do I do?  I contacted a Groupon sales rep and together him and I decided that I should sell 400 massage coupons.  Yes, you heard correctly – 400 massage coupons!  There goes my life for the next several weeks.  My money problems will be no longer, but now I actually have to work like a human being.  I have to get up everyday and go to the office and actually work.

My brain is not functioning.  I’m freaking out a bit and feel that I have so much to do – so much!  My room is a mess, I havent showered in days, I’m still beat up from labor day weekend even though today is Wednesday.

I have clients calling me that I need to call back and Groupon hasn’t even started yet.

I have to buy more lotion, sheets, face cradle covers – get an hourly day planner instead of the monthly one I have now.  So much to do…

I have to get out of bed and shower.  Yes, that’s a good start.  I’m in trouble arent’ I?

Anyway, I went to Vermont with Amy and Dave this past weekend.  It was awesome.  Dave and I taken his motorcycle for the leisurely four-hour ride.  It was gorgeous.  Amy’s log cabin is brand spanking new.  It’s made out of pine logs and it still smells like fresh cut pine.

I can’t write, I have too much to do and I can’t focus.  I made a YouTube video of Vermont – that should sum up the trip.


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Filed under All about me, journal, Massage therapy, Uncategorized, video's

I made a video :)

I’m being lazy. Well no, not lazy, just busy with too much stuff to do. I want to play video games, I want to draw and paint, I want to massage the 20 clients that bought massage vouchers from me and I want to go out and drink with my friends I left behind while I went on the most amazing, insane adventure of my life.

I want to do all that, so writing about my trip at the moment is a no go. I did however make a music video while I was waiting for my plane at the airport. I don’t want to watch it. When I watch it I get unbelievably sad that it’s over and I’ll probably never see these people again. I fell in love with all of them. I fell in love with these people and fell in love with Ayahuasca.


Filed under Travel, video's

Messing around with iMovie

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I saw a guy get killed last Friday on a motorcycle.  He was on his way to Laconia like the rest of us when an suv swerved into the wrong lane and hit him head-on.  Dave and our gang were the first people to arrive on the scene.

In the movies you often see one guy barking out orders and sh]]><![CDATA[ooing people away, "give him room people, get back and give him room.  Move away, there's nothing to see here." 

Well, there aren't people like that in real life.  In real life, a swarm of oglers closed in tightly encircling the downed biker.  A man in the center was hunched over administering CPR.  The parametics have not yet arrived.  The onlookers had their arms crossed, looking down at the man than looking up towards the sky – careening their necks for any sound of sirens, shifting their eyes away from the blood and then back again.

Dave – "I don't want to see this."

Me – "I don't want to see it either."

Dave – "Lets try to go around."

The man administering CPR gave up, stood up and walked away.  The crowd surrounding the biker started to disperse – nothing more to see.  Dave and I inched passed them on our bike.  We passed the parked cars and a crying woman in hysterics clutching her phone and telling us, or anyone that will listen, "an ambulance is on the way.  They said they're on their way."  We inched passed a bruised motorcycle laying flat on its side, we skirted around a black dented suv with its driver sitting inside crying into his cell phone saying he didn't know what happened and his diabetes made him pass out.  His cell phone drenched with tears.

I was there with Dave, Dave's dad and his Dads friends.  I felt safe traveling with them, relaxing and enjoying the scenery.  Before I seen any accidents, I passed a car that had "WOOSH" on its license plate and another that said "UH OH."  I'm a bit superstitious and prayed to God those plates weren't directed at me.  And they weren't.  I'm glad it wasn't me is all I can say.

The only free thing in life is God's grace and there's no grace in getting hit by a car at 70 MPH.  Four people died that day on bikes.  They all got hit by careless drivers.

That was the start of my trip.  My very first experience in Laconia bike week.

It's now Thursday.  I got home on Monday and I'm still shaken up from everything.

I actually don't feel like writing.  I have so much shit to do that I'm not doing anything at all.  I'm laying here in my shorts and T-shirt during the first summer heat wave with my laptop scorching the tops of my thighs.  I'm sweating and want a beer.  I want a beer but I don't feel like leaving the house.

Kristie is pissed at me, a really good friend of mine gave birth yesterday, I need to decorate my new office with spa crap and build a website, but I can't do anything.  I'm incapacitated.  Matt is also upset with me.  I don't even care.  I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there in a dark hazy place.

Kristie is mad that I'm spending a lot of time with Dave.  She stopped calling me.  I went over her house yesterday to pick up some stuff and Matt and Bosco were over there.  I stayed for a few drinks, listened to Kristie and Bosco tell me how bad Dave is for me and I need to drop him.  Everyone hates Dave, everyone hates me – we go together in that way.  We are both rejects.  Rejection from society created the X-Men so look out world!

Seriously though, why do people have to hate and reject others?  It keeps happening to me over and over.  Matt is mad at me for not hanging out with him all the time.  People keep taking and taking.  I feel so drained.

It's already June 21.  This month is going by so fast that I can't keep up.  I don't even know what I did with my time seeing that I haven't blogged in a while.  Blogging keeps me linear and in-check so no time slips by unnoticed, but this month its gone mostly unnoticed.  I need to regroup.  Clear my head.  I'm hoping a trip to Rhode Island will help.  Another drunk on the beach at midnight mini-vacation.

Anyway, Laconia was crazy.  Everyone had a bike, everyone sporting leather and a tough-guy (or girl) weathered look.  Even the girls looked bad ass.  I would say that women made up 25% of the bikers – not including the ones riding bitch.  I was surprised to see so many handling big Harley hogs.

The atmosphere and the people got to me, so next thing I know I'm wearing leather and donning a bandana.

I’m vulnerable to suggestion.  Highly influenced.  When in Rome do as the Romanians do is what I always say.

They had an electric chair in Laconia, so I strapped Dave up and electrocuted him.

When in Rome, get electrocuted.

Oh yeah I’m super cool.

Dave found his very own port-o-potty.

A random woman came up to us and told us that Dave looks like he can be an Abercrombie and Fitch model.  Then she was shocked to hear we’re just friends. 

Lady – “But he’s so cute!  And he obviously likes you.”

Me – “Yeah….”

Lady – “You know the best relationships start out with being good friends.”

This made Daves ears perk up.  He loves hearing stuff like this.

Dave – “I know, I tried telling her that.”

I cringed.  I’m a jerk.

Just because he’s good looking doesn’t mean I should date him – looks are NEVER a factor in any relationship I have.

Dave loves when people mistake us for a couple.  We strolled into a bar, sat down and the bartender rang us up as “bar couple” on the slip.  This made Dave so happy that he took a picture of it and sent it to me so I have it too.

And this is what I do with it:

I put it on my damn blog is what I do with it. 

I had the meatloaf dinner in case you’re wondering.  I ate every last bite.

We drove up Mt Washington on his bike. 

After seeing Mt Washington, we drove down the mountain and grabbed lunch at a pizza place.  That’s when Dave confessed that he wanted to propose to me at the summit but chickened out.

Me – “Oh shit.  I don’t really want to get married anyway.”

I felt like a shit for most of the weekend. 

I like Dave, but I don’t want to get married.  I have too much stuff to do.  I have too many places to go, goals to accomplish.  It takes very little to get me sidetracked – and I mean very little.  I can only imagine what marriage would do to me.  I make a horrible girlfriend, I can’t date properly – I can’t even hold down friends let alone boyfriends.

I like my quiet space.  My reticent private time where there are no takers or talkers.  Just me and my moment.  Peace and rest without someone pawing all over me.  Sometimes I don’t mind the pawing – I like it, but then there are days like this where I feel so far behind.  Being pawed at will only push me away further.  Falling off the bar stool, that feeling of unbalance.  Should I steady myself or save the beer in my hand?  I’ll always save the beer.  Beer first, then me.  This is my me time.

  If you look closely it looks like I’m holding my nose and picking it.

We had an awesome time together.  Dave’s easy and fun to be with.  I like to think I am too.

I had a hard time on the bike ride home.  I had a client scheduled for 4pm, so we had to rush.  Dave kept a steady 90 mph down the highway while I held on with white-knuckled fear and contemplated death.

I almost died once a few years ago.  I ate an entire loaf of Tastefully Simple’s beer battered bread with a ton of sour cream with the Tastefully Simple dill dip packet mixed in.  I ate the entire packet of dill and the whole loaf of bread and felt sick for five days straight.  I ended up in the E.R going in and out of consciousness.  I thought I was going to die and wasn’t afraid.  I accepted it.  I put my head down and let myself drift off only to wake up again looking at a perplexed, befuddled doctor hooking an IV into my arm.

I thought about that time at the hospital when I accepted death, and compared it to speeding down the highway on a motorcycle.  Why be terrified on the motorcycle when at the hospital I was so accepting?  I pondered this for about 3 hours and couldn’t figure it out.  Maybe I was so tired and in pain at the hospital, that I wanted to give up.  There’s peace when you give up.  Let go and let God.  However, letting go has never been easy for me.  I still own and wear a sweatshirt from when I was 12 years old.

For four hours straight I held on to the back of Dave’s motorcycle for dear life.  I clenched my eyes shut as we slid in and out of traffic, I peed myself a little. 

My favorite uncle died on a motorcycle, I witnessed a guy get smashed to pieces, WHOOSH and UH OH – WHOOSH and UH OH!

Eventually my mind became separate and floated above me.  It watched me from a distance.  It watched Dave and I moving in synchronized rhythm to the sway of the tree’s and cluster of cars.  Breathe in then out, breathe in then out.  Water drips off an oar in the moonlight.

A honey bee finds his flower – silence. 

Then I’m taken back in to the humming and the whirring, the buzzing between my legs.  Daves long blonde hair sneaking out beneath his helmet.  A woman next to us singing along to the radio.  I’m back and the terror didn’t follow completely.  I let it go.

My client cancelled.  I would’ve made it in time but she cancelled anyway.

Today I went to see my friend in the hospital with her new baby girl, then went to my new office to survey what it still needs and what more I can set up. 

I unpacked new sheets, set up a alarm clock, two ambient lamps, my stereo, my “desk” which is nothing more than a tv tray.  When I was done with that, I crawled on top of my massage table and laid there staring up at the ceiling – so cliché, I know, but I’m a master at staring up at ceilings or windows, or anything for that matter.  I sometimes stare at floor tiles trying to make out shapes.  I stare at wood grain on doors, scanning them for faces.  Anything with an incoherent mosaic of lines, splotches, or dots, I can almost always make out a face.

Today I made out four faces.

The outlets looked as though they seen a ghost.  All scared looking with their eyes big and mouths in a circle.  I stared at them wondering if they were trying to tell me something.

Outlet number 1 – “I don’t know about this business venture.  It’s a little crazy.”

Outlet number 2 – “Don’t worry she know’s what she’s doing.  Have faith in her, she’s smart.”

I was zoning out and talking to outlets telling me that I’m smart.

Outlet number 3 – “She just needs a little encouragement that’s all.”

Outlet number 4 – “She doesn’t have anyone to tell her what to do.  That may not be a good thing.”

Me – “I can do it.  I can totally do it.”

I rolled off the table and drove home.  I turned on Netflix and started watching Merlin.  And here I am still laying here. 


 And now your moment of Zen:

I made this video in 10 minutes while Dave was in the bathroom showering.


Filed under journal, Massage therapy, Travel, video's

Reasons why I’m a dope

1)  Some woman took a picture of my license plate today because I was supposedly “swerving out of control” in front of her.  Yes it got a little dicey for a while, but come on…’s not like I was continually swerving out of control and driving onto people’s lawns.  It was only once!  I only glanced down for a second to check my phone, but she held her phone up at eye level while she drove trying to take a picture of my car.  Who is more irresponsible hmmm?

2)  I was having horrible anxiety for weeks and just figured out today that it’s because of my electronic cigarette.  I’ve been vaping non-stop lately.  Nicotine gives me unfathomable amounts of anxiety (shivering in a fetal position and having hellish thoughts about my parents dying and being alone and unloved for the rest of my life) – it messes me up BIG time.  I’m a dope because this has happened before in the past, I just completely forgot about it.

3)  I bought a box of Vplensih for my 20 day trek thru Nepal.  I thought I was buying 200 little packets of powered electrolytes to sprinkle in my nalgene bottle, but I instead got a huge box of 2,000 packets.  I don’t even think there are any electrolytes in them.  Just small amounts of vitamins.

3.5)  I used to call nalgene bottles, algene bottles.  And still do sometime.

4)  The nicotine in my electronic cigarette is giving me heart palpitations, but I’m still vaping it as we speak.

5)  I bought a box of Jack Link’s (50 count) for my Nepal trek, but found out they are too heavy and bulky to carry in my pack.  So I’ve been eating 4 or 5 of them daily and wondering why my stomach’s been hurting me lately.

6)  I bought an australian canvas dover hat because I thought it would help me look cool.

I was going to wear it out for my birthday dinner to the Outback Steakhouse, but changed my mind because I didn’t want my brother to make fun of me.  Although, he’s the one to make fun of since he ate way too much and projectile vomited all over his bedroom last week.

7)  I’m an avid believer in yoga face.

It works!  It actually works!

I discovered this YouTube video over the summer and did the exercises for a week or two and actually started seeing a change in my face – a good change.  But then I forgot about it until just recently (after seeing my new drivers license photo) and decided to give it a shot again and holy crap I swear it works!

Please watch the video it’s hilarious, and not BS.  I call it the poor mans face lift.

8)  I can never remember how to spell the word EXERCIZE.  Excersize, exercise, excersize?

9)  I’m going to stop blogging now so I can watch Naruto.

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Filed under All about me, humor, video's

Saturday post

I just gave a two hour massage to a very butch lesbian and had the best conversation with her.  I told her about my secret website/art project and she told me it was an excellent idea, then I told her about the RV road trip I want to go on and she told me I’d have to be crazy to travel alone to South america.

Me – “I’ll just drive straight through all the bad area’s without stopping.”

Her – “What if someone tries to stop you?”

Me – “I’ll run them over.”

She sounded jealous when I told her my first stop was going to be Alaska.  She asked if she can go with me.

Anyway, it was an awesome two hour conversation.

I saw on my schedule for next week that my cute, shy cop client booked a two hour massage with me.  That I’m sure will be another fabulous conversation.  I haven’t seen him in forever.

I love my clients.  But they are finding it harder and harder to get an appointment with me.

I’m at Starbucks on a surprise break I didn’t think I would get.

I stayed up so late last night thinking about my RV road trip and my website idea, I just want to sit in this comfy chair and stare out into space.  Staring out into cyber space is not the same as space space.  I’m super tired.  My eyes are closing.  I can feel the warm sun shining on my back.

I went to a memorial day picnic/birthday/house-warming party for my buddy Dan and ran into someone I went to High School with.  He’s an adorable guy with the cutest face and sweetest voice.  He brought his banjo to the picnic and sang me a song, then he did handless backflips and talked about his safari in Africa and how he likes anthropology.

I always had a crush on him in High School, too.  It’s so random he was there at Dan’s picnic.  He gave me his number and wants to hang out.

It’s a shame I don’t have time for a boyfriend.  I barely have time for my ex-boyfriend who is also sweet as pie.

Cute cute cute.


Filed under journal, Massage therapy, Uncategorized, video's

My Easter

Easter is about family.  And, since Easter’s about family, I’m going to share a little snippet of my family, fun-filled day with you.

My family has fantastic discussions about bowel movements during every holiday get-together.  Dont believe me?  Just check out this hidden footage that my 12-year-old niece shot tonight.

The conversation usually leads to shit.  It can also lead to illness, injuries, or inquiries on disgusting ailments and how to contract disgusting ailments.

Alexis, my niece, had a jolly rancher lollipop in her mouth that she was sharing with Clyde, the new boxer puppy.  My Mom’s face looked horrified.

Mom – “You’re going to get worms!  Stop that!”

Tonight’s topic:  Worm’s, and my brother’s adolescent bout with them after spending a night in a dog kennel.

Because of my brother, my family is well versed in worm knowledge.

Mom – “They crawl out of your butt – your RECTUM,…..”

Me – “Your ANUS.”

Mom – “…..and whip around.  They’re called whip worms cause they whip around everywhere.  Puppies have them.”

Alexis stopped sharing her lollipop and let the dog lick her mouth instead.

Worms and bowels were hot topic’s tonight.  Is this what Jesus and his disciples discussed during the Last Supper?  Did Jesus take a bite out of his chicken leg while listening to his mother talk about her shit in comparison with Dr. Oz’s shit?  And why is it that every time I watch Dr. Oz, he’s talking about shit?

My brother would kick my ass if he knew I posted this picture of him.

I let Alexis play with my phone while my Dad drove us to Fran and Melissa’s.

Oddly enough, this was before the whole worm discussion.

I’ll try to write about Savannah tomorrow.  It was a lot of fun!

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Cool video

National Geographic made this video of the worlds most typical face.  It’s cool.


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My wages

Let’s put my wages into perspective, shall we?

I make $15 for each massage that I give. 

My place of employment charges $98 for a one hour massage ($60 for members).  I make 15% of what they make, 25% when the client is a member.

Let’s say I give 4 massages for $98 a pop, that’s $392.  At $15 a massage, I make $60.  After massaging 4 people, I still can’t afford a massage.  I would need to massage for 6.5 hours before earning myself a one hour massage.  And technically I still can’t afford a massage because taxes are taken out of my pay and I would need to leave a tip of at least $15.  So I need to massage 8 people – 8 people before I can afford one massage!

Now let’s talk about tips.  Tip’s are a gesture of gratitude.

I like to associate tips with McDonalds cheeseburgers or starbucks latte’s.  If a client leaves me $5, she’s saying that my massage was equal to enjoying one starbucks latte, or 5 cheeseburgers from the dollar menu at McDonalds.

If they leave me $20, I can buy two movie tickets.  Or a pack of smokes and a movie ticket.  Or 5 cheeseburgers, a pack of smokes and a starbucks latte – not bad for one hour of work.

I know it doesn’t seem like a lot, but all I have to do when I’m here is massage and nothing else.  I worry about NOTHING.  No washing or folding sheets, no scheduling crap.  And the overhead fee’s to run the place are incredible I can imagine.  All in all, I say my wages are fair.  They allow a bit of room for pay advancements.  If they weren’t fair, I would’ve quit a long time ago.

I came into work today and right away I’m greeted with a pay raise.  I’m not suppose to tell anyone how much it is, but it’s a little something.

It’s my feng shui – my prosperity corner is taking effect.  It’s so weird because I did nothing to provoke a raise.  The thought ran through my mind as I added some purple to my corner, but I didn’t dwell on it.  Crazy it may actually work.

So I’m happy.  My last client was strange, but I’m happy.

I’m on my couch sipping, no, chugging my latte.  I have three more clients.

One of my co-workers was talking about Dickens’ Cider today.  It’s the first I ever heard of it.  It’s an apple cider energy drink.  I looked it up online and there’s a funny commercial for it.

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Filed under All about me, Massage therapy, video's

My three hour break

I was turned down for the scientific research job.  This is my theory to why they didn’t hire me:

Man interviewing me – Do you smoke?

Me – Yes

Man – Do you drink?

Me – Yes

Man – When was your last drink?

Me – Saturday

Man – How many did you have?

Me – About 6 beers

Man – And when did you drink before that?

Me – Friday

Man – How many did you have?

Me – Four drinks?

Man – Have you ever gotten a DUI?

Me – Yes

Man – Is there any history of substance abuse in your family?

Me – Ummm….Not that I know of.

I sounded pretty bad, and I really didn’t need to disclose my DUI since it happened so long ago and according to the courts, been stricken from my record. 

The man sent out my responses to be approved by some guy.  He probably glanced at my answers and said, “What is this, a joke?”

Oh well, C’est la vie, as the Romans say…..

I really, really want to buy the Playstation 3 today.  I’m a true gamer at heart. 

They cost $300.  Not bad, I can swing that.  I have 17 unopened tip envelopes and money in the bank.

My biggest problem with buying an awesome game system such as the PS3 is that I won’t leave my house for months.  Especially when I buy one game in particular – Final Fantasy.  I don’t stop playing until I beat it.  I don’t answer my phone, I stay up until 5 am, don’t shower, live off hot pockets and my friends get upset at me for ignoring them.  But I’m going to do it.  I’m going to buy the PS3 today and get Final Fantasy 13.

If you’re interested in knowing what kind of game Final Fantasy is, just watch this clip.

Story-line is everything to these games.  It sucks you in like a Harry Potter book. 

My brother was right, I am a nerd.  But my excitement level now is through the roof!

It is so slow at my job today.  I only have 3 and a half clients.  They’re all requests.  If I didn’t have my requests, I would be screwed.  I want to talk to my clients about the playstation 3, but I must control myself.

I been here for an hour already.  I’m at Starbucks and it’s 11:17.  Trish just came up to me and leaned in to read my laptop.  I love Trish!  Trish loves my blog.  Before I left for Starbucks, Kali, the girl that works the front desk told me to blog while I’m here.  I have another 2 hours, so there is plenty of time. 

There is so much to blog about.  I learned some great things from a few documentary’s I watched, and learned fascinating stuff from Sylvia Browne I can write about, but instead I want to play a game.  I’m in game mode.  This game is called Melanie’s madness and here’s how it works:

I tell you real situations that I was confronted with at work, and you guess whether I said my responses outloud, or if I just thought them to myself.

Situation number One:  A woman tugged the top sheet down while she was face-up, exposing one of her breasts.

Me – “Uh oh, peek a boob – lets just pop that sucker back in under the sheet.”

Situation number Two: 

Client – “Press right there on my ac joint as hard as you can – use your knuckle.”

Me – “I don’t want to sound racist or anything, but you take as much pressure as an asian.”

Situation number Three:  I go to greet my client in the tranquility room by hopping into the room and flamboyantly using ‘jazz hands’ while saying “I’m here!”

Situation number Four:  My client shares a last name with a very popular spanish food name brand.  It begins with a G and ends in an A.

Me – “Are you related to the food?”

Client – “I’m sorry, the food?”

Me – “Oh you know, G–a beans, G–a tortilla’s, and my favorite, G–a empanadas”!  Yum!”

Answers:  No, yes, yes, no

That was fun.

Alex just stopped in and said, “Hi Mel.”

Me – “………”

Alex – “Hi Mel.”

Me – I look up  and say “Oh hey!” And wave my arm around like a lunatic.

I have about an hour left of my break, so I’ll write about Sylvia Browne.  I learned about the existence of Tulpa’s.  But before I tell you about them, watch this video, it’s cute.

A tulpa is a physical manifestation of your thoughts.  Usually comes in the form of a person, mythical creature or animal.  It’s a Tibetan term, but the idea is well-known to Central and South Asia, like Bhutan, Nepal, China, India, and Mongolia – many other cultures world-wide have similar beliefs, even the North American Cherokee indians believe in the spiritual ability to create thoughtforms.

This is absolutely fascinating to me!  I have my own personal story about seeing one of these tulpa’s.  My Mother created it from her fear of the Devil.  It was never brought into the physical world, but was stuck in my parents bedroom mirror. 

As a kid I remember seeing an apparition of what looked like the devil in my parents mirror, and I watched in fear as my mom windexed it over and over, only to see the image again and again getting angrier and more vile looking. 

It was real!  I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it for myself.

All reported cases of tulpa’s have turned into vile, evil creatures.  They become independent from their creator and roam wherever they want and can be seen whenever they want.

I’m so tired all of a sudden.  I have a half hour left.  I should head on over there.

I might not make it to the store to buy the PS3 today.  I need a nap. 

I have 2 more clients to massage.  I have to get into massage mode.  First I’ll go to the bathroom.


Filed under journal, Massage therapy, random thoughts, Strange & Unusual, video's