Category Archives: My artwork

Cheese and Rice!

ex boyfriends ugly new girlfriend

Um, okay.  So this is Dave’s girlfriend, Heather.  She’s the woman who wrote me those messages on Facebook that I copied and pasted here for you guys to read.

I’m not into looks.  I don’t judge people on them, don’t let their good or bad facial characteristics factor into how I feel about them on the deep emotional/intellectual level – I never have.  My brain doesn’t work like that.  But this picture seems to push through my impartial perceptions to appearance and make me think, “What the fuck? Dave seriously?  What the fuck man.”

They been dating for maybe two years now?  Dave cheats on her, treats her like shit.   He makes horrific rude comments to her that he tells me about, and she still takes him back every time.  Ten years his senior (citizen) and you would think she know’s better, but no.

Heather says to Dave – “What do you think about me adopting a child?”

Dave – “Why would you want to adopt a little bastard baby?”

Heather’s adopted.  Dave’s an idiot.

Okay, so I did some research on this type of relationship.  What I found out makes a lot of sense.  Heather is an inverted narcissist who seeks out love and attention from regular narcissist’s who are also seeking love and attention.

Being a narcissist turns out to be more than just glamming yourself up and claiming you’re better than everyone .  There are plain narcissist’s who feed off of other people’s undivided attention towards them.  If they can find a person to give them a constant stream of narcissistic supply, they will never leave that person.

Narcissistic supply is the place where a narcissist get’s his daily ego fix.  Heather is Dave’s supply.  Heather is a co-dependant – clingy, needy, pathologically envious and emotionally sensitive.  She’s an inverted narcissist because she seeks out and clings to outgoing, misogynistic narcissists who need her for their own warped needs.  She get’s her narcissistic supply from Dave, and Dave, from her.  They dock together like a circumcised penis attached to an uncircumsized penis.

Some guy at the bar last week told me that guys with uncircumcised penis’ like to roll their skin over another guys penis like it’s a chinese finger trap.  They call it docking.  I wanted to write about it but couldn’t think of how to fit it in with anything, but this works.  Heather and Dave are like two penis’ docking.

Three french hens, two penis’ docking and a partridge in a pear tree.

I’m in the christmas spirit.

I started reading about narcissism and found it fascinating because I AM one.  Well, partially one.  I claim to be a lot of things, but this really hits home.  The reason I like going to bar’s so much is for my quick “love” fix.  I feel loved and wanted there (bars are my narcissistic supply).  And when I date anyone new I ask myself;  “Do I only like this person because they like me so much?”  And I hate the answer but, YES!  I only like them because they like me and it feels great for a while.  But then that person, my victim, starts to get clingy, needy and pathologically envious so I’m forced to drop them.

My victims become inverted narcissists instead of being just regular, everyday people who like me for the sake of liking me.  Their want of me became a need, and that’s when I know the relationship is heading in the wrong direction.  This is why I don’t date.  Something is majorly wrong with me and I have to figure it out before I can date again.

I’m a narcissist with exploding head syndrome.  It doesn’t get any better than that.

I just got home from the bar.  I’m tired and gonna go to bed.   My brother wants me to paint him a picture for Christmas, but God damn  it it’s hard!

This was my bedroom as I saw it (while lying in bed) at 5 o’clock this evening.  I’m trying to draw God’s hand floating over the ocean with a dock floating on the water.  I may add a person standing on the dock reaching out to touch the huge God hand, but it’s freaking hard!  Painting is not easy, so no wonder why they cost so much.  Cheese and rice (AKA: Jesus Christ)!  I don’t want to take a closer picture of the painting cause guess what?  It sucks!

I may regret posting this post, but I won’t know until tomorrow morning when my head is less foggy and headachey.

Enjoy to all my 21 subscribers who get this before it’s deleted!

Ha ha, wordpress offers me picture’s to insert into my post depending on what words I use.  They are showing pic’s of guys penis’s, Jesus Christ, and this guy:

English: Picture of myself, I am a narcissist....

Image via Wikipedia


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Filed under All about me, humor, journal, My artwork, Self help

About my last post…..sorry :(

Just Another Asshole LP cover

Image via Wikipedia

My last post upset some people.  I feel like crap now.  I feel embarrassed actually.

I just have to say that Mo was my best friend very briefly 10 years ago when all my life-long friends were busy with school or have moved away.  At the time it felt like she was the only person who really knew me, but that was long ago and I emphasized that she was the only person who ever knew me for dramatic effect.

I hardly talk to her anymore, very rarely do I see her – we are barely friends now and she doesn’t know me like my good friends who stuck by my side for years and years do.  She does not know me at all anymore.  It was all just during that brief Aquaturf phase.  And it was so fleeting that it’s just a drop in time for me.

I absolutely love and adore the friends that I have now and nothing will ever change that unless they disown me for being an asshole.

I don’t think everyone’s a sociopath either.  I promise you that!  I love mostly everybody – even the difficult ones!  Even that big smelly guy I had to massage has a little nook in my heart.

Anyways, I’m sorry.

I’m not a great writer – not even a mediocre writer.  (I use dashes too much because I don’t know proper grammar or punctuations.)

So sometime’s it’s easy for me to write something that can be taken the wrong way.

Basically when it comes down to it, I’m an asshole that likes to write shit on the internet.  I forget that people read this shitty blog.

Yesterday I started to draw a sulking angel sitting on a perch and guess what?  Today I’m sulking!

It’s 12:30 am and I probably won’t sleep tonight because I feel so bad.

See, here is me right now…..drawing of an angel😦


Filed under journal, My artwork

More about Last night at The Half Door

Last night at the Half Door, I sort of swooped in and stole away that big hunk of a military man from another girl.

I’m a home-wrecker, a succubus.

The girl, Mary, kept looking at me like I was a pariah and I didn’t understand why at first, but then I saw myself as she did – A slutty vixen.  Honestly, it felt good and bad at the same time.  Ultimately, I ended up feeling guilty for being liked.  I just wanted to make friends, not boyfriends.

Sarah introduced me to Mary and John, and I naturally slipped into conversation with them.  John, the hunky military man, took a liking to me and we chatted while Mary chatted with Sarah.

I had no idea Mary liked him – no clue.  And I wasn’t even flirting.  I was just being me.

John – “Melanie’s awesome!  We need to invite her into our little group.”

Mary smiled and agreed.

Mary and John are members of an online meet-up group.  Their meet-up group is not an online dating service where strangers hook up for a quick romantic tryst, no.  I like to think of it as an instant friends group – just add beer and they fluff up to talk, or sing karaoke with you.

I never heard of this before and became interested to know more about it.

Mary – “Tomorrow is movie night at my house.  You’re welcome to come!  And I really want to sing karaoke tomorrow, too.”

My ears perked up.  Movie and karaoke?!  Hell yes!  She’s a cute girl, completely normal in every way – and fun to boot.  I wondered why someone like her would need an instant friends group.  And John is completely normal, a great talker.  Why would he need instant friends?  I’m assuming that these people like to drink.  Alcohol plays a big part in their daily congregations.

Mary watched John and I talk.  The more she watched, the drunker she became.  She went to dance with Sarah and after five minutes came back to get John to dance.  Unfortunately, it was bad timing because he was trying to find me on facebook.

John – “It won’t let me find you. I have bad service or something.”

Mary – “Come on and dance with us!”

John sat there staring into his phone, oblivious to Mary.

Me – “He’s trying to find me on facebook.”

She walks away.  I was already making drama with my instant friends and it was only an hour into our relationship.

I asked John – “Is anything going on with you and Mary?”

He smiles big and says he’s completely single, but she has a crush on him.

Me – “Oh no, I’ve been talking to you for so long.  She’s probably mad.”

John – “You’re awesome!  I WANT to talk to you.  Mary will understand.”

The bar starts closing, Sarah was talking to a random guy, Mary was clearly inebriated.

John – “I’m sending you the link to our group tomorrow.”

Mary – “All we do all day is have orgies.  Day in day out, orgies.”

Me – “Noooooo…….”

I’m hoping no.  I’m not judging anyone who has orgies, it’s just not my thing.  I don’t think I could ever be the same after a group of people have their way with me.

Then Mary told John she thought he was weird, but she still liked him.  Rule number one when trying to score with someone; NEVER say to them you think they’re weird.  You can get away with calling your friends weird – that’s normal, but don’t call a guy you like, weird.  Guys are looking to be around girls that can understand them.

I understand guys, I don’t know how or why, but I do.

Anyway, I don’t know about this instant friends thing.  The idea is awesome, but I feel like I don’t have time.  And I don’t want to get in the habit of drinking every night of the week as I’ve done so in the past.

Summer is making me nuts.  I can’t concentrate, I can’t think straight.  Guhhh, what the hells wrong with me?  I’m so freaking tired.

I had a scare today while driving on the on-ramp to get on the highway.  I had a heart palpitation.  I used to get them all the time when I was younger, but never like this.  It lasted for a few long seconds.  There was a fluttering that felt like a butterfly got trapped inside one of my ventricles.  I got dizzy, shortness of breath – I remained calm and calculated each symptom on severity.  I tried to take in deep breaths.

One symptom that I never read about, or experienced, was a feeling of hot pressure emanating from my frontal lobe.  Not a headache, but pressure.  That frightened me the most.  I thought about pulling over, but I was scared to indulge in my fright for fear it wouldn’t pass.  As long as I continued like nothing was happening, I would be fine.  Stopping would mean death.  I looked to my neighboring car’s driving next to me so I can look for death clues like in the movie Final Destination.  One truck had a rickety ladder rattling around in the back that could have easily slid off into my windshield, another car was missing that little door that covers the fuel tank – second time in one day I seen that.

Obviously, I made it home.  I made it to subway to get a grinder and then drove home.  I’m not looking up what my symptoms mean.  Not today anyway.

I was probably dehydrated, and starved.  My parents left the house to stay in Atlantic city for a few days, and me being me, I don’t exactly take care of myself when they’re away.

But I’m fine now, no worries.  Just super tired.

Jeez it’s late, I didn’t even realize…..

My painting of the kung fu guy is turning out to look sloppy.  The paper couldn’t handle the masking fluid, then being drenched and colored on with marker.  It might be in shambles, but I’m still going to finish it.  You never know.

I feel like lately I’ve been bombarded with a lot of guys asking for my digits.  I’m guessing that’s where this drawing is coming from.  But I’m to busy these days, really.  I’m looking into taking classes in the spring for Chemistry and trigonometry at Naugatuck community college.  In the meantime, I’ll stay productive by taking small classes that range from one week to four in Chemistry, calculus and trig at Gateway community college.  They’re college prep classes and count as credit.

I think it will be fun.  I know how crazy that sounds, but I’m looking forward to it.  Maybe my excitement is what’s making my heart skip a beat.

I got to sleep.


Filed under journal, My artwork

Wednesday night

During my cleaning spree, I unknowingly placed 3 or 4 big hardcover Harry Potter books in the romance/relationship area of my bagua.  Those of you who don’t know what a baqua is, it has to do with feng shui and that every area of your room and/or house corresponds with an area of your life.  For instance, if you place a tv in your romance/relationship section, you will always be distracted in your relationships – always ‘tuning out’, or flipping channels sort of speak.

Lately I’ve been into Harry Potter – big time.  Since I moved the books there, I bought all the Dvd’s on Amazon and now I’m watching them one after another consecutively.  I know I should move the books, but I’m completely content with watching the movie’s and loving them as much as I do.  I sort of want to keep the books there.

According to feng shui, the books are ultimately going to interfere with my love life, which is crazy because it already has in a way.

I was telling my friend, Christian, about going to see the last Harry Potter movie (Deathly Hollow’s part 2), and he told me he tried reading the first Harry Potter book but didn’t find it interesting because the writing was so bad.

“It was like I was reading something meant for a 10 year old, and then I was like, ‘oh yeah, it is for a 10 year old’!

Me – “I like the story.  They’re so easy to read.  Easy books to read are the hardest to write.”

And sadly that almost came between us.  It’s crazy to think it, but the bagua is real.  Bagua never lies.

I’ll move the books once I’m done watching the seventh movie.

It’s 2:32 am.  I just got home from the Half Door in Hartford.  I went there with a co-worker, but ended up talking with her friend, John, the whole night.

He’s a very interesting chap.  He was a machine gunnist, infantry man in Afghanistan with some major life and death stories.  It makes my little Harry Potter bagua debacle look like, well….stupid, to put it nicely.

He know’s my cousin whom I’ve never met.  He met him on duty in Afghanistan and was one of his closest friends there.   He told me that me and my cousin are so much alike that he can’t stop being reminded of him every time he looks at me.

My grandfather has a twin brother whom I’ve met for the first and last time two years ago.  My long lost cousin probably came from him.

My family is weird at keeping track of each other.  We sorta just go our separate ways.

I’m working on a new work of art masterpiece.

You can’t see it now, but it’s going to be a kung fu guy trying to stave off love using an umbrella.  The love is represented by a bunch of hearts.  I drew an outline of the kung fu guy, then painted him over with masking fluid so I can drench the paper in watercolor without getting any color on kung fu guy.  Then I’m going to peel off the masking fluid and finish drawing the kung fu guy in black and white – much like what I did for the homeless man drawing.  The loveless kung fu guy will be colorless, but being bombarded with colors in every direction.

It represent’s that sooner or later, love is gonna get ya.

Cheesy?  Maybe.  Okay, yes.  Very.

Anyway, I think it will look cool.  I started drawing him last night out of sheer boredom.  I didn’t feel like watching tv, too tired to read a book.  Drawing was my best alternative.

I should sleep.  It’s wicked late.


Filed under journal, My artwork



Image via Wikipedia

A tachyon is a theoretical, highly unstable particle that has no mass and can move faster than the speed of light.  It doesn’t fit well with general relativity, but goes along perfect with quantum mechanic’s.

I love theories like this!  I mean just think about all the supernatural stuff that can finally be explained by science.

Everything is made up of energy.  Our thought’s have a physical energetic presence.  What if we create tachyon’s with our mind’s?  When we say a prayer for someone, or get a feeling like something bad has happened, or is about to happen, are we giving and receiving tachyon’s?

Tachyon’s override the time (and space) demension, making them eternal.  They carry with them imprints of our past, present and future.

I mean come on, is it just me or is this stuff cool?

I have other interest’s that go far beyond the scope of quantum theories.  For instance, my love of funny vacation photo’s.

This couple pulled off along the highway for their scenic photo.

I laughed so hard when I first seen this pic.  He looks so cool with his leg up.

I found these photo’s on  I highly suggest you check it out.

I also like to go on

They call these cats little kitler’s.

And, in my free time I managed to draw this:

Charcoal and marker drawing

I did it with charcoal and prismacolor marker’s.  After I drew the homeless guy in charcoal, I went over him entirely with a light shade of grey – I bought a bunch of different shades of grey and used them for shadowing.  If I didn’t go over him in grey marker, I would be able to smudge the charcoal easily with my finger, but the marker binds it to the paper like glue, making it all congeal and stick nicely.  I never learned about this technique, I just happened to stumble upon it.  It’s a nice little trick.

I’m at home laying in bed.  I can’t write about my day, it will take too long.  It alway’s takes me a long time to write down my daily shenanigans’.  Maybe tomorrow if I have time.

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Filed under humor, My artwork, random thoughts

My new painting

I did it with all cheap materials. Watercolors, watercolor pencils, markers and some ink. The cheap paper I used warped a lot from the water.


Filed under My artwork

Taking pictures while driving





If you look closely, the truck say’s Dunn-Rite construction.  I love when things like that work out for people.









Following my parents on the way to a family picnic.  They are completely stopped in the middle of the road.






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Filed under My artwork, Uncategorized

My photo art


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June 27, 2011 · 5:57 pm

My new painting

I painted this oil on canvas without any instructions or tips because I thought I was going to be a painting prodigy, but it turns out I should invest in an instruction book or two.



Filed under My artwork

How I spent my Wednesday night


20110609-021648.jpgI sketched Eminem!  It was my very first time using a mechanical pencil, and now I’m in love with it.  I’m in love with a mechanical pencil.

I did a google search for mechanical pencils and found a blog completely devoted to the subject.  Everything you need to know about mechanical pencils, this guy writes it all down with love and devotion. He’s been ardently writing in his blog for over two years and has accumulated over a million hits to his site.

It’s a blog about mechanical pencils and he got over a million hits!  WTF?

I actually find his mechanical pencil stories interesting, but still…..

Here’s his site if you care to take a look:


Filed under My artwork