Today is Wednesday, tomorrow is Thursday, then Friday and then I leave on Saturday promptly at 6 am. Holly asked me to pack ahead of time so she can pick up my stuff tomorrow instead of Saturday. I scoffed and said,”I will not participate in such foolery.” I’m going to pack on Saturday like a normal person.
I have three clients left on my repertoire for today. I’m at Starbucks spinning the shit (a new phrase I just made up – it means shooting the shit.)
Yesterday was Happy Tuesday with the old men and Dave. I wear many hats. When it comes to hanging with the boys, I’m the top banana. My Tuesday’s are all about wit and quick comebacks.
Mike – “You went to South Korea? Why aren’t you walking sideways?”
Me – “I didn’t go to Bangkok.”
Mike laughs hysterically.
I make fun of anyone in my wake and the ones who can’t take it are pussy’s ( I hate that word). But that’s what Tuesday’s are all about – big obnoxious statements. Most of the night, the boys sing songs about me and pour me beer – it’s fabulous.
Yesterday was a little different because Dave brought his ex-girlfriend, Katie. The old guys were being mean bean machines by making fun of her.
Papa Dick – “Hey look who’s here! Katie the rat lady!”
Papa Dick – “Hey you almost went into the men’s room, you almost seen my wiener.”
Katie – “It’s so dark in here I couldn’t see. It was dark in the womans room, too.”
Tammy – “There’s a light switch.”
Katie – “How do you work it?”
Tammy – “Uhhh……you turn it on?”
Mike – “Der der.”
They are not the nicest of people and I felt bad for Katie.
Okay, so she own’s a pet rat whom she love’s and adores and maybe she does always have a disgusted look on her face, but come on now……people have feelings. I put my arm around her shoulder’s and announed that I love her, and when I love someone, they’re in.
I welcome their zings. It’s an ongoing initiation to keep up with them, and I do. I moved up higher on their popularity ladder than poor sweet Dave. He wasn’t invited to Tammy and Mike’s wedding, but I was.
Me – “So what color’s my bridesmaid dress?”
Tammy – “It’s a grass skirt and a coconut bra.”
Me – “I can swing that. I break dance just to warn you.”
Mike, Tammy’s fiancé, always hugs me and gives me a peck on the mouth. I know this bother’s Tammy, so I show her that I’m loveable with everyone, not just him.
When they were heading out, Mike was shaking all the guys hands and saying he’ll see them next week. I put out my hand and he pushes it aside.
Mike – “Get outta here with that, you get a hug.”
Just as I expected, he picked me up, spun me around and kissed me on the mouth.
“Oh boy, Tammy is going to be pissed.” I thought. But she came in for a hug regardless. The guys were watching us and told us to kiss.
Me – “Okay.”
She’s an overweight 48 year old woman who’s not easy on the eyes, but I couldn’t get away with kissing Mike and not her. I would offend her if I didn’t.
She gave me a peck and everyone applauded and got riled up.
Why do I hang out with these people? Are they my kind of people? Oh God I hope not.
Ahhhh I gotta get back. Shizzz.