I’m an emotionless indigo girl

One of my friends yesterday told me that she thinks I’m an indigo child.  It’s probably one of the best compliments I ever gotten even though I don’t believe in it.

I read over the characteristics, and I fit some of the description, but I can see that anyone can fit the description if you look hard enough.

Some of the characteristics are:  Creativity, empathy, telepathy, curious and strong-willed.

The telepathy one is a little crazy and hard to cultivate, but I do have this odd ability to know what others are thinking at anytime.  Sometimes I feel their thoughts with my entire body, and other times I get a vision.  If they are thinking about a memory, I can sometimes see that memory in my mind.  The visions don’t happen a lot.

But still, it’s hard to believe that I’m special – anyone can be empathetic or creative if they want, some people just don’t want.

They also possess a strong sense of entitlement – that they deserve to be here.

We all deserve to be here, so it doesn’t make much sense to dwell on that.

Still, it was an awesome compliment and I appreciate it, but I think all children are special.

It is weird though, when I was a kid I always wanted to grow up and save the world, and that’s one of the characteristics – that these kids are on a mission to save the world.  It’s also a characteristic of a super hero, and who wouldn’t want to be a super hero?  Funnily enough I still have that wish.  I’m only 31 years old, I can still save the world.  I got time.

Yesterday, another really good friend told me that I’m a hard person to read.  She can read me only because she’s known me for so long, but that I’m not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, I don’t express my emotions.

Me – “How can you not read me like a book?  I write a blog.  You can read my blog.”

Her – “No, it’s not the same.”

I don’t like emotions, I never liked them.  I think they cloud people’s judgement and stop them from seeing the truth.  Emotions are chemicals firing off in the brain that are easily manipulated with the right foods, drinks or drugs.  How can anyone trust something so unstable?  I’m highly intuitive, but can hold off on emotions.

I feel like I convey my feelings well-enough to people.  It’s possible that I’m just not capable of articulating the exact feelings that I have, and so I hold off on saying anything at all for fear of sounding dumb.  Also, there’s a slim chance that anyone would have any idea what I’m talking about. 

Besides, emotions can be repetitive and circular – what knowledge can you gain from them?

I’m like a robot.

When she told me I wasn’t good at showing emotions, I started crying.

Me – “How can you say I’m not emotional?”

Her – “Don’t cry, I still love you.  That’s just who you are.”

I was very confused.  I wasn’t really crying, but she didn’t know that.

I deleted an entire post the other day, but people who subscribe to my blog via email still got it.  It sucks for me.  I’m always changing and updating posts, but my subscribers always get the original post.  I want to delete all my subscribers.  Is that horrible?  If I drop them, I’ll lose reader-loyalty.  I’m just going to have to think twice before hitting the publish button.

It’s 7:48 am.  Why the hell did I wake up so early?  I’m going to back to sleep.