I just got home from work and taken my dad’s advice of pouring myself a big glass of wine.
Should I move out? I was so set on staying and being here for my dad. He needs a strong, stable shoulder to lean on. But of what cost is it to my own sanity? We shall see.
When I got home tonight, I went upstairs for dinner and saw a check laying on the kitchen table with my name on it. My mom made it out to me for $20.
Me – What’s this check for?
She ignored me. She written “For books” in the memo.
Me – What books?
Mom – For the books that got wet in your bathroom.
I put the check back down.
Me – It’s not me that needs money, it’s dad.
Crazy aunt – What’s that supposed to mean, Melanie?
She said it all evil-like. I ignored her.
Then her and my mom start talking about me.
Dad – Okay, enough I don’t feel like hearing this anymore.
Mom – No “thank you” for the money, nothing like that. Just a wise comment.
Me – I don’t care about a stupid book getting ruined – I’m not worried about a book! I’m worried about the damage done to our house.
Crazy aunt – Robert went downstairs and threw a bucket of water in your bathroom.
I don’t know where she was going with that one. I don’t care that he didn’t do it intentionally, that has nothing to do with anything.
I pour my big glass of wine and head back downstairs. Robert was running the water the whole time I was in the kitchen.
Crazy aunt – You need to go to church. YOU need to go to confessional.
Me – I go to church more than anyone in this house. Robert is the one who needs to confess.
Crazy aunt – Robert is more saintly and holy than……
Me – Robert said he was going to kill my brother! What kind of holy person threatens to kill a family member?!
Crazy aunt – HE DID IT BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A STROKE!
She screamed this on the top of her lungs like a mad woman. I know it’s wrong for me to think this, but both my brother and I feel that she was faking it. My brother, whom was there for this alleged “stroke” strongly believes it was all an act, and I believe him. My aunt lies out her teeth – blatant lies.
I forgot to mention that before I headed back downstairs with my wine, I hung up a printout I got online about leaky pipes. I hung it on the fridge and highlighted area’s of interest such as:
One leaky pipe can be an indicator of widespread damage.
If left untreated can cause mold, weaken walls and ceilings due to water damage.
And if homeowners insurance comes to the house to repair it, they will raise your premiums and most likely not renew your insurance.
Just some food for thought. I’m sure it’s been taken down by now, but guess what? It’s going back up. And you know what else will be posted on the fridge? The number for the mental hospital.
I hate writing depressing shit.
That’s it, from now on I’m going to say more ridiculous one-liners to Crazy aunt. They make me laugh, and get her aggravated. She won’t listen to reason, so why try? She’s immune to logic, beyond rational thought. So it’s final, no more rational, level-headed Melanie. I will only mutter ridiculous statements to her. The less sense I make, the better.
No more depressing posts – no more getting angry over assholes. Just pure, absurd behavior at it’s best. And my dad really likes my jokes. I think you guys really like them, too.
Now let’s probe deeper into my crazy sense of humor and see what crap I can equip myself with. This feels liberating. I don’t feel as angry.