My Saturday, Sunday and Monday

I couldn’t fall asleep friday night due to blogging after 8 pm.  Writing after 8 is like taking several shots of espresso along with ritalin.  I become highly focused and insane – much like tonight actually. 

It’s 2:26 am.  I have no self-control.  My eyes are bloodshot – maniacal laughter.

With the mighty power of Zeus, I rolled out of bed Saturday morning at 6:30 and drove to work to massage 6 people. 

I was super tired when I was done.  I taken off my uniform when I got home and threw myself under my bed sheets.  But then I thought my time would be better spent by looking at my blog hits, seeing if I got any comments – you know, just your normal, everyday addictive behavior. 

I couldn’t stay on my computer for long, however.  I made plans to go cosmic bowling with a few friends.  A few turned into 15.

I bowled the worst game of my life.  A 66 – yes, you heard me, a 66.  Did I tell you how tired I was?  Super tired!  It’s even more embarrassing that I kept talking shit to everyone.  I RSVP’d on Facebook and left a message saying that I was going to kick everyone’s ass.  And at dinner (we ate at Sliders before we bowled) I told this guy, Gabe, that I was going to whoop his ass. 

Gabe – Really?  You’re a good bowler?

Me – Well, I assume I’m good because I’m brilliant at only, EVERYTHING.

Gabe – You want to wager something?

Me – What?  You want to see my booby or something?

Anyway, I scored a 66.

I was ready to go home after that, but Brie, one of my good friends that I don’t see very much, wanted to go to Billy O’s for a drink.

Me – Okay, one drink. Just one.

I held up my index finger for dramatic emphasis.  I was so tired that my throat started getting sore, and I had to wake up at 7:30 for work the next day.

I get to the bar, order my beer – I was literally about to take my first sip, my bottom lip slightly brushing against the pint glass, before Brie announces that she’s going home.

Me – You’re leaving?  But I just got this….

And then she was gone.

Regardless of Brie leaving, one drink turned into another.  My friend, whom I drove there with, wouldn’t stop ordering drinks.  And I was getting hit on by a really cute guy, in fact, it seemed like I was getting a lot of attention from everybody, not just the cute boy.  I’m a sucker for attention.  The beer, the boys and Holly greased my sense of time and responsibility.

The cute guy was a GTL (gym, tan, laundry) man.  He kept stealing my scarf and asking for kisses.  I refused to kiss him because I don’t like making out in bars with strangers anymore.

Holly finished her beer.  I sighed with relief and said, “Oh good.”  I thought this meant we could leave, but no, Jersey stole my scarf again, wrapped it around his neck and headed to the men’s room.  I rolled my eyes.  I was so pissed.  Then Holly got another beer.

Then came closing time.  I was standing by the door with my jacket on, my hands in my pockets when all of a sudden my friend came up to me so fast and kissed me on the mouth!  I thought it was going to be a little peck, but the peck turned into a long make-out peck.  I’m calling it a makeout peck because I didn’t move my lips.  I wasn’t sure if I should move them, or how to even move them – it was the first time I kissed a girl.  She was moving her lips around, which made it all the more strange that mine were immobile.

Did I like it?  It’s like when a really nice guy whom you have no interest in, buys you a drink.  You like the gesture, really appreciate the gesture, (maybe quietly thrilled about it) but feel a little awkward and guilty by drinking it.

I unknowingly stepped back and collided with the peanut and M&M dispenser, nearly knocking it over. I would’ve fallen over completely if I had just stood there and let her lean into me.

When she was done, she told me she loved me.  She was talking to Gabe and Jersey before rushing over to kiss me.  Perhaps they dared her?  I don’t know.  But she did it a second time, and it was much like the first time.  My face got red.

We all went outside, and Jersey asked when he was going to see me again and wanted my number, but I didn’t give it to him.  I don’t want to date – I can’t date right now – for reason’s I’ll get into another time.

Holly was so sorry for “making” me stay out late that she almost burst into tears when I was taking her home.  It really wasn’t all her fault.  Sorry I said it was all your fault, Holly 😦

When I crawled into bed that night, I was at the point of no return.  I missed my window of opportunity to fall asleep easy – and was up and buzzing.  I was buzzing from my girl kiss and from cute Jersey boy, and then lamenting over my score of 66.  I slept for an hour, maybe two before crawling out of bed for yet another hard day of excruciating labor.

I got to work and had three clients total.  Three clients don’t sound like a lot, but they were all deep tissue, and all men.  The first massage was a 90 minute, the second, a two-hour, and the third, another 90 minute.  So in actuality, I worked for five hours.

It’s hard doing my job while being tired and slightly hungover.  I’m a responsible driver, so I only drank a total of six beers starting at 7 pm and ending at 1:30 am (one beer an hour).  But six beers can still make you feel shitty the next day.  Six beers can make you feel shitty, and give you hungover beer farts that I had to hold in for five hours, which caused me a stomach ache.  I was being punished from all angles.

And one of my clients got a boner during his massage.  He apologized for it and tried to swoosh the blanket around to conceal it.  I honestly hadn’t noticed it, nor did I care.  I wanted to say, “It’s okay, I hadn’t noticed,” but I thought that would sound insulting. 

I really do think I’m sending out repressed, unintended sexual energy due to my lack of…how should I say, taking care of business?  Taking matters into my own hands?  Getting it on with my bad self?  Okay, that’s enough.  I can’t believe I’m even discussing this with you. 

When I got home, I crawled into bed and stayed there.  Laying there exhausted and watching netflix was just as fun as bowling – a different kind of fun, but fun nonetheless.  I watched a movie called Heartbreaker.  I highly recommend it.

I woke up at 8:15 on Monday (today), picked up Kristina and Emily, and drove to the New Haven train station.  Destination:  The Daily Show.

I brought my camera with me, but the only two photo’s I took were of Kristina and Emily on the subway.

The trip went smoothly, no major catastrophes or mishaps.  The one major blunder was Kristina almost wetting herself.  It was a nightmare for her, a nightmare for us all, actually.

At the Daily show studio, they have everyone line up outside against the building according to ticket number.  While in this line, a security man tells us to use the bathroom – he made the bathroom sound like it was top priority and talked for five minutes about it’s importance.  Kristina, Emily and I went in the studio to use the bathroom.  A small group of fellow ticket holders followed us in.

While waiting in line to use the loo, a woman in charge of security and seating reiterated the bathroom speech to us.

Lady – The people outside are hearing this same speech, so I’m making sure you guys hear it too.

We already heard the speech, we were down there using the restrooms because of the speech – we wouldn’t have known where the bathrooms were located without the other guy telling us two or three times during his soliloquy.

We go back outside, get in line again and a few minutes later they tell us to go inside.  My bag gets checked and I walk through a metal detector.  While people were checking in, we hear the bathroom speech again by the same lady who told it to us downstairs in the bathroom area. 

Our numbers get called and we amble on into the set. We are amoung the  first people seated in the studio.

A few minutes go by and Kristina tells us she has to go to the bathroom.

Me – Really?  It’s such a short show, can’t you hold it?

Kristina – No, I can’t hold it.  I REALLY have to go.

Emily – Just hold it, it’s all in your head.

A woman seated in front of us get’s up, crosses the stage towards the exit, and get’s stopped by security.  There are no bathroom visits at this time.  This put Kristina in a panic frenzy.

Kristina – I really have to go.

Emily – No, no, you’re fine.

Kristina – No, I really HAVE to go.

This went on for about a half hour.

Me – Just raise your hand and ask (as we were told to do).  Maybe that other lady got sent back to her seat because she didn’t play by the rules of raising her hand.

Kristina – Can you raise your hand for me?

Me – That would look weird, what if they wave me over and I have to tell them,  “Oh no, no, no, not me – my friend.  My friend has to use the bathroom, not me.”

I say this as I dramatized the frenzied gestures I would have to make.

Me – It’s not like calling someone over for peanuts.

More people file into the studio.  It was almost completely full.

Kristina – I can’t hold it.

Emily – Just go in your pants.  You can’t miss the Daily Show.  Just go in your pants.

I asked her if she was wearing a maxi pad.  No, no pad.  I thought about the napkins I had in my purse and thought maybe I can make her sit on them so she could pee a little.  But Kristina didn’t like the idea of going in her pants.  She kept raising her hand like she was going to call over a guard, but then she would chicken out and pretend to slick her hair down instead.  I was getting nervous.

Finally she could wait no longer.  She stood up, bravely walked across the studio to security who shunned her back to her seat.

Kristina sat back down between me and Emily.

Kristina – I seriously should just walk out.

Emily – Just go in your pants.

Me – The show is only 20 minutes, seating takes longer to do than the actual show.

Kristina waited, and waited.  The studio was full, the doors shut – the guards leaned against the railing – scoping out the crowd.  Kristina raises her hand, and was then allowed to go to the bathroom.

During the show, you have the choice to either watch the monitors, or watch Jon.  I watched the monitors and it taken me all of my concentration to understand the jokes.  The jokes that I didn’t get, I faked a laugh, which made me feel somewhat cheap.

Jon and I made eye contact.  His eyes made me feel naked, and I had to turn away to cover myself up.  I couldn’t help turning away, my body did it instinctly.  I am instinctly a wuss.

Today is Tuesday.  I had to put my blog down last night to sleep.  It wasn’t easy to fall asleep either – especially after a day in NY, and writing in my blog afterwards.  So today, if you can imagine, I’m dead tired.

I’m laying in bed.  It’s now 2 pm.  My room is super hot – my heat is blazing.  I just want to get up, turn my heat down, guzzle a gallon of water and eat something before I accidentally become an anorexic.

We are getting hit by yet another snow storm.  I’m not sure how much snow we are getting, but they say it’s going to be a lot.

This is what my house already looks like:

Okay, I have to stop.  I have to stop writing before my fingers fall off.  Maybe I’ll be back on later.

I got three new episodes of True Blood in the mail.  It’s going to be a good day.



Filed under humor, Massage therapy

10 responses to “My Saturday, Sunday and Monday

  1. Steph

    Oh My God! Lol poor Kristina! I feel her pain man…
    Loved this post!

  2. Holly

    LOL. Funny! I didnt order any of the drinks that I had at the bar. I dont know who bought them for me. Next time, be more demanding when you want to go home, your easily persuaded. I demand stuff like that all the time!! GTL – Tara said he had his hand on his crotch the who time. Why would someone hold their hand on their crotch all the time???
    I can totally picture Kristina having to pee! Napkins to pee in thats hysterical!

    • I was sorta demanding you not to drink anymore, but I was having fun, too. If I really wanted to leave, I would’ve made you leave with me, or left you if I was sure you had a ride home. And just because someone buys you drinks at the bar doesnt mean that you should drink them! I was turning down beers left and right.
      I’m just easily distracted and don’t like going home while people are still out having fun. No one persuaded me to do anything I didn’t want to do. I’m actually very hard to persuade!
      I didn’t notice Jersey had his hand on his crotch the whole time. I would’ve loved to see that.

  3. Holly

    I would have loved seeing Jersey with his hand on his crotch the whole time too! I told Tara she MUST point out that stuff to me….I thrive on it. I’m glad you had fun at the Bar and I rarely turn down beers that people buy for me.

  4. Nice post! I am always being kept out at the bar longer than I should be on nights that I shouldn’t have even gone out being the DD. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that. Haha. It is also 12:32am and I just had to check into my blog as well after drinking 4 cups of coffee at Denny’s which was most likely not the best idea, but it does make fore creative blogging! 🙂

    • You’re going to be up until 5 am! That’s my bedtime when I do stuff like that. I hope you don’t have to work the next day. I’m going to check out your blog now, thanks for stopping by 🙂

  5. brie brie

    i’m soooo sorry that i made you go to the bar. i had no clue you were so tired and the crowd at the bar was not what i was expecting…paul didn’t want to go to the bar at all so that is why we left. about the kiss, lisa mentioned it to me in a text message a few minutes ago…can’t wait to find out all about it at dinner today.

    • Lol, it’s okay Brie, I was just shocked you guys left so early. But it’s not your fault I stayed out so late (that would be Holly’s fault). The kiss would have been an awkward dinner discussion, it pretty much happend just as I described it, and Lisa barely remembers doing it – she sorta remembers, but had to text me to ask me if it really happend. It wasn’t a big deal, just something to do to get a rise out of the guys we were with.

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