I went upstairs to make my breakfast today and said Hello to my mom who was in the kitchen doing mom things.
My dad comes home, walks up the stairs and to the bathroom. The door was closed, so he knocks on it.
Dad – Is someone in there? Hello?
He keeps knocking, but my lunatic cousin ignored him. My mom answered him back instead.
Mom – Yes, someone is in there, can’t you hear the water running?
Dad – But he didn’t answer me.
My dad was upset and talking loud enough for my crazy aunt and cousin to hear.
Mom – He probably didn’t hear you, don’t get upset.
I put my hand on his shoulder and said;
Me – Pop just wants some respect in his own house.
Mom – He gets respect.
Me – Not when people don’t answer him.
Mom – He (Robert) didn’t hear him.
Dad – Watch out you’re going to burn your hand!
My mom is notorious for scorching herself, cutting herself, dropping things and breaking stuff in the kitchen just about every day that I lived here. She was resting her hand inches away from a red hot burner that I was cooking my eggs on.
Mom – Don’t tell me to watch out. This is my kitchen! Don’t you think I know my own kitchen?! Get the hell out of here!
My dad starts laughing and walks away.
Every time I go upstairs to make breakfast, craziness happens.
My mom started whimpering like a little girl.
Mom – When will he start treating me like an equal? He talks to me like I’m an infant.
Me – It might be hard to do that when you’re crying…….
Mom – It’s always been like this for years and years. I’m sick of it.
I stared at my eggs frying in the pan.
Me – Cook eggs cook!
Now I’m at work. My last client kicked my ass. He was a two-hour deep tissue – his back was solid like a rock. He’s a regular of mine, but doesn’t usually get two-hour massages. Oh so tired, I feel like a used kleenex floating around in the wind.
There’s a loud beeping sound in Starbucks.
Amanda – Starbucks is going to explooooooooooode.
She’s wearing a little elf hat.
I need to find a different job that doesn’t involve rubbing people. I’m so tired. I’m going to be working here for a long time, I just know it.
I had a cancer patient today. I fell in love with her immediately. I want to find a job where I can cure cancer, because I don’t think www.spiritualremotehealing.com is working.
I don’t want my break to end. They’re playing slow psychedelic music. I’m laying down on my little couch dunking a biscotti into the foam of my latte.
I went to Happy Tuesday yesterday. First I ran errands, than met Kristina at the Wood n’ Tap for a fish taco wrap, and then ventured to Happy Tuesday. Dave (my ex), wasn’t there yet. When he finally arrived, he wasn’t alone. He was with another ex-girlfriend.
I love Dave, but he’s dumber than a box of hair. I’m okay with meeting his ex’s, but they aren’t always eager to meet me.
Katie – Why didn’t you tell me she was going to be here?
Dave – I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would mind.
Katie – She’s pretty! I know you want to make out with her because I want to make out with her.
Me – I just want you to know that I have no interest in dating Dave, or making out with him.
She looks at him, and then at me and says;
Katie – But isn’t he cute?
Me – He’s cute, but I only like him as a friend.
Katie and I ended up bonding. She kept giving me hugs all night and wanted to play pool with me. I like her, I just wish she didn’t do crack because it messed up her teeth. She says she doesn’t do it anymore, but the damage has already been done.