I’m house-sitting for my brother and his girlfriend. They have a huge Doberman pinscher that is up my butt the minute I enter the house. I didn’t mind it at first. I thought it was cute that he liked me so much, but he’s getting out of hand.
We bonded yesterday within the first ten minutes I got there. We were sitting on the couch together and Gunnar (the dog) was licking protectively at his scrotum when he decided to catch me unawares by licking my lips directly after he was done with his balls.
“Ugghh, plahhhh. Gross Gunner.”
I tried pushing him away, but he is so strong and solid that he wouldn’t budge. To him it was a special moment. Now he feels a strong connection between me and his lipstick container.
He stares at me when I eat. And when I’m done eating, he stares at me while drinking my coffee. I put down the coffee and watch Good Morning America and he’s still staring at me. His face is 2 inches from mine.
I try pushing him away, but that only makes him get closer to my face
My view of the tv
Last night we slept together. It was either that or listen to him cry and whine all night. He flopped down hard beside me and starts his nightly ablutions. Loud smacking sounds ensue. He wants to go under the covers, so he pulls them off of me. I somehow managed to fall asleep with him under the blankets. When I woke up a few hours later, his head was nuzzled up against mine, sleeping on the same pillow as me.
He wakes me up 5 minutes before my alarm went off. I try going to the bathroom, but he whines and howls outside the closed bathroom door. I open it and he comes in and rests his head on my lap while I was sitting on the toilet. Now I’m constipated.
He also chewed up my sock.
He bit into it like it was cotton candy
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I’ve been without internet the whole time I was house sitting and then I went to Rhode Island where I was also without internet. I was going crazy these past few days. I need to catch up on some blog time. It’s going to be blog-a-rific!
Read it to absorb my awesomeness 
That was the funniest story! he is so cute!! He loves his auntie!!! how cute!
That is why I’m a cat person….not that I actually own a cat….presently that is….I used to own a cat…two actually….one used to like to sit in the refrigerator and one I caught on fire while I was frying an egg (which is why, incidentally, I no longer cook….just in case you were wondering). He was OK, though, because I put it out with the sink hose…..I’m thinking about getting a cat, but I don’t think I’m ready for parenthood again…do you?
That’s too funny. You should always keep your cat’s in the refrigerater after they were on fire. And then on a hot summer day much like today, you can take out your chilly kitty and snuggle with him. He will cool you off. Then set fire to him again so that way he won’t mind going back in the refrigerater. I’m sure you would be a great parent 🙂