I’ve been bragging to my parent’s that I’m able to do 40 push-up’s when only a few months ago I could barely do 10. I flex my bicep’s to them like a teenage boy or cocky body builder. They witness me going out running on my day’s off, and my Dad was the one to install my chin-up bar.
My Dad told my Mom that I’m getting in shape so I can join the army. This made my Mom cry. I’m not exactly sure how my Dad found out about this. Absolutely no idea. I just talked to him privately 10 minutes ago and he said that he only said it as a joke (my dad has a weird sense of humor). I told him that I really am considering it.
The whole situation is over my head. How did he know? How could he have joked about something like that? Now my mom is all upset at me, and my dad is telling me that I’m going to get sent to war and die over there.
“Women die just like the men do over there. The recruiter will tell you anything, but in the end they put you wherever they need you.” He looked really concerned. Really worried. But the truth is, I’d rather risk my life over there than live the life I’m leading now.
I read my last post just before I started writing this. It seems so trite. After seeing my Pop worry at the thought of losing me, and thinking about losing myself, everyday occurences such as the juice man seem so petty. But my life right now is petty.
I don’t want to find humor in other people’s shortcoming’s. It’s wrong, but I can’t help it. I’m so frustrated. That juice man is probably a good guy. Nothing feel’s right anymore. I don’t know who to be. People are dying for our country, and here I sit on my ever aging white ass heckling a poor guy trying to make a living selling juice!
I hate how one simple moment can put things in perspective. I don’t know who to be.
I’ve slept about 3 hour’s last night, went to work in the a.m, then to a party and drank 6 beers, came home buzzed and ended up hanging out with my 11-year-old niece who was still awake at 10:30 pm. I have a headache and I’m exhausted. Not to mention super emotional right now and completely alone. But I’m okay, really…..